A sign drawn in the sand
And a touch of a stranger's hand
I wonder what it means

Time spinning round and round in this space
Then it's gone without a trace
I wonder where it goes

Deep in the night when I hear no sound
I feel my heartbeat slowing down
My mind's released and free to wander
As I sleep

The past buried deep inside my head
All the words that have gone unsaid
I just want to let them go

Life on a distant star
Or a boat to where the wild things are
I just want to let it flow

Deep in the night when I hear no sound
I feel my heartbeat slowing down
My mind's released and free to wander
As I sleep

If you're quiet you'll hear the sound
Bits of the world as it spins around
We feel lost and we feel found
When we sleep
When we sleep
When we sleep
Sleep

Two worlds colliding in my head
I watch you as you sleep

Two worlds colliding in my head
Two worlds colliding in my head
Two worlds
Colliding in my head

- Amanaska- Sleep (Buddha Bar)

It was a wet afternoon. The rain gods were pleased and indiscriminately blessing. I had no raincoat, nor umbrella. My school bag had no zip, and was not waterproof. I knew when I got home, that the colours of the red and blue lines on my english notebook would have run into each other on the edges. That the squares on my math notebook would be smudged. My brand new rain-shoes, worn without socks, were biting into my foot on atleast four different places that I could feel. I knew I would discover more of them, once I was warm and the numbness from the cold water receded. I stood outside the school gates, scanning the horizons rendered hazy by water droplets everywhere. The trees were lush green, greener than I remembered them from the previous afternoon. There was a muddy puddle around me, I stood on a flat stone as though it were a pedestal.
The wind became fiercer, the rain, heavier. I sought refuge inside a building, cold, for some unknown reason, nervous, and alone. It was dingy but warmer. The breeze from outside still made me freeze, but I was safer from the tirade here. At least I felt safer. Notes of a song drifted out of a window on the ground floor. I don't recall the song. I do know it was something soft, very Buddha-Bar-esque. The notes were light, warm, dry. I can't explain how, but they were.I wasn't alone anymore.
The song made me think of sandy deserts and the starry night sky. It reminded me of a lone, tired traveler in search of an unknown destination, seeking directions from nature. There were no words, just endless instrumental music, the kind that transports you elsewhere.
I heard an auto honking nearby. Ventured out and saw it was mine. Elated though I was, I felt like I was leaving a friend behind. A friend who did not yet have a name, whose name I might never discover. Looking back once towards that elusive window and its musical enchantments,I made the saner, more rational decision. I got into the warmth of the auto.
Nineteen years later, I still wish I had knocked on that window and found out what song that was...

Randomness

Am back in Mumbai. 4 days into my trip, I am still taking it all in...the places I have been so closely associated with during different stages of my life. Feels great.Had been to Siddhivinayak today, as I have been going for many many Tuesdays in the past. For me,Siddhivinayak is as different from other temples (with due respect to all) as spirituality is from religion. I distinctly had the feeling that I had come home to an old old friend and was settling down on the sofa for a chat with a hot cup of tea in hand. There is no respect, respect born out of fear of being condemned. There is love, unconditional and unblemished, affection, if you will. And there is respect born out of this affection. I feel at peace with the world outside and within me when I'm at Siddhivinayak- the place that has seen me through some of the most troubled days in my past. Homecoming has many layers, many meanings. This then, perhaps, is one of them.

On a totally different and musical note, I recently heard this song, that had me going bonkers about it. It's the song Kabhi kabhi Aditi from Jaane Tu...Ya Jaane Na.I'm so in love with it. I have it on repeat on my MP3 player. I listen to it about 19 times a day. I was trying to understand why I like it so much and zeroed in on one unique reason among many not so unique ones. The inclusion of the name "Aditi" in the song appealed to me a lot. I feel that there is no greater respect you could give a person than addressing them by their given name. It's also so much more personalized. Like the song is custom-written for someone. IT rocks. Very well sung by Rashid Ali, Amazing music by ARR. So, without further ado, I present to you the lyrics

Kabhi kabhi Aditi zindagi mein yuhi koi apna lagta hai
kabhi kabhi Aditi wo bichad jaaye to ek sapna lagta hai
aise mein koi kaise apne aansuoonko behne se roke
aur kaise koi sochde everything's gonna be ok
kabhi kabhi tho lage zindagi mein rahi naa khushi aur naa mazaa
kabhi kabhi tho lage hardin mushkil aur harpal ek sazaa
aise mein koi kaise mushkuraaye kaise hasde khush hoke
aur kaise koi sochde everything gonna be ok

Soch zara jaaneja tujhko hum kitna chathe hai
rotein hai hum bhi agar teri ankhon mein aansu aate hai
gaane to aata nahi hai magar phir bhi hum gaate hai
hey Aditi maan kabhi kabhi saare jahan mein andhera hota hai
lekin raat ke baad hi tho savera hota hai
kabhi kabhi Aditi zindagi mein yuhi koi apna lagta hai
kabhi kabhi Aditi wo bichad jaaye to ek sapna lagta hai
hey Aditi hasde hasde hasde hasde hasde hasde tu zara
nahi to bus thoda thoda thoda thoda thoda thoda muskura

Tu khush hai tho lage ke jahan mein chaayi hai khushi
suraj nikle baadlon se aur baatte zindagi
sun tho jara madhosh hawa tujhse kehne lagi
ki Aditi wo jo bichhadthe hai ek na ek din phir mil jaate hai
Aditi jaane tu ya jaane na phool phir khil jaate hain
kabhi kabhi Aditi zindagi mein yuhi koi apna lagta hai
kabhi kabhi Aditi wo bichad jaaye tho ek sapna lagta hai
hey Aditi hasde hasde hasde hasde hasde hasde tu zara
nahi to bus thoda thoda thoda thoda thoda thoda muskura

Nostalgia

Haven't blogged in all of MAy. This blog was just to wake up from the malaise and make sure that my archives don't read 'May(0)'. A lot has been happening, and needless to say I have been busy.
Am blogging from an internet cafe, its after AGES that I am visiting one of these. Makes me nostalgic. Reminds me of rainy, college afternoons, hot cups of coffees, sunlight filtering through the leaves of trees overhead, notes to study from, books to photocopy, a teacher who used to admonish us when we would say 'xerox' instead of 'photocopy', long muddy walks, inane discussions, streetfood, beautiful Mumbai evenings... Yes, I got *all of that* from an internet cafe. Don't ask me how. But I could be there right now. Back in time. Sitting by the window with a steel tumbler of coffee in one hand, a book in another, focusing on neither, but the sunrays, now mild and soothing, filtering through the leaves and the grill on the window...Chitra sings in the background...sings some of Gulzar's lesser known lyrics...

Shisham ke patto pe pani
boond boond bajta rehta hai,
Barish beet bhi jaye to
der talak tapka rehta hai.
Boondon se bhigo dena
barishon ki aadat thi…
barishon ki aadat hai….
Yeh bouchar guzar jane do,
kachche rang utar jaane do,
mausam hain guzar jaane do.
Its beginning to drizzle.
I let an unexplained, inexplicable feeling of contentment wash over me...
Sigh. Life's perfect. Touchwood.