Open Letter to Uday Chopra, Priyanka Chopra and Jugal Hansraj (Henceforth referred to as UC, PC, and JH, not out of affection, just laziness):
Hi Guys,
Need some clarifications. About your latest 'venture'. Yes, that one. The very same. Pyar Impossible.
1. Why do you want to eliminate the human race by inflicting such torture on us?
2. Is there a message? Are we supposed to look for one?
3. If the message is "Falling for looks is shallow" then please explain to us dimwits why UC's character is shown to be 'madly in love with' PC's character to the extent of collecting her used plastic cups? Or is it for her DNA sample for some new cloning experiment?
4. Does a geek always have to have oiled parted hair, spectacles and braces? Any idea what trouble parents have in getting their kids to wear specs or braces based on the loosely researched stereotypes that you create?
5. In such an abundant script, could you atleast give PC a bathroom in the future, so that she doesn't have to take bath and live in a towel in the girls' common room?
6. So, because of the message thing you did not want to give UC good looks. Could you atleast give him some IQ in the next movie? Or some self respect? You are the Gods, you decide.
7. The kid. Children in hindi cinema are grossly misrepresented. They are treated either like retards or like bindu-helen-asrani-cupid-amrishpuri rolled into one. If any average Indian 6 year old acted like the kid in this movie, s/he would be grounded. For life. And I think this one should be grounded too...
8. So, we hire a nanny. Then we get them to do house work. Then we ask them to cook an impossibly elaborate Thai dinner at an hour's notice. And then we ask them for love-advice. And take them out for coffee. Way of life. Very normal, yes.
9. This one is for PC. After getting that award for Fashion last year, are you doing movies like What's your Rashee and Pyaar Impossible to ward off the evil eye?
10. Again, why?
A curious viewer.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Mantras in Hindi Soap Operas
Eavesdropping is the Name
No two people in a hindi serial shall have conversations without a third person (usually one who is not supposed to be around in that scene) listening in. All the plotting and scheming shall occur within easy listening range of the targets.
The "Kaagzaat" Trump Card
All property in soap-land is easily transferable. Legal transactions are over simplified and Kaagzaat of the house/hotel/company are easily available to everyone from the bahus to the baas, from the babujis to the local bhelpuri walas.
Thou Shalt Never Be 'Bling-less'
Even if woken up at 3 am, the protagonist (or any other character) shall never appear on screen without daisy-fresh make up, lipstick and the full works. In a silk sari, no less (WHO goes to bed in a silk sari? I could barely make it through my 3 hour wedding ceremony in one...)
Money Matters
Yes, we are a poor family. We are in deep financial doodoo. We're are on the verge of bankruptcy. But our house, it has 48 rooms and 362 bathrooms. Fully furnished. It is ancestral property. We are plenty emotional about it and will never sell it off. Or lease it. Even if we have to make human puppets with our own hair to make a living.
Of incomplete sentences:
"I saw you talking to her."
"Arre, lekin..."
Pause
"I know you were cheating on me."
"Meri baat to suno..."
Pause.
"I want a divorce"
"Par maine to..."
Pause.
Bam! Out she walks...
I would seriously recommend neurological evaluation to this guy. He has obvious difficulty in completing sentences...and they call this a misunderstanding?
Eavesdropping is the Name
No two people in a hindi serial shall have conversations without a third person (usually one who is not supposed to be around in that scene) listening in. All the plotting and scheming shall occur within easy listening range of the targets.
The "Kaagzaat" Trump Card
All property in soap-land is easily transferable. Legal transactions are over simplified and Kaagzaat of the house/hotel/company are easily available to everyone from the bahus to the baas, from the babujis to the local bhelpuri walas.
Thou Shalt Never Be 'Bling-less'
Even if woken up at 3 am, the protagonist (or any other character) shall never appear on screen without daisy-fresh make up, lipstick and the full works. In a silk sari, no less (WHO goes to bed in a silk sari? I could barely make it through my 3 hour wedding ceremony in one...)
Money Matters
Yes, we are a poor family. We are in deep financial doodoo. We're are on the verge of bankruptcy. But our house, it has 48 rooms and 362 bathrooms. Fully furnished. It is ancestral property. We are plenty emotional about it and will never sell it off. Or lease it. Even if we have to make human puppets with our own hair to make a living.
Of incomplete sentences:
"I saw you talking to her."
"Arre, lekin..."
Pause
"I know you were cheating on me."
"Meri baat to suno..."
Pause.
"I want a divorce"
"Par maine to..."
Pause.
Bam! Out she walks...
I would seriously recommend neurological evaluation to this guy. He has obvious difficulty in completing sentences...and they call this a misunderstanding?
Sunday, February 28, 2010
That Shashi Tharoor would think India need SA (No, the non-cricketing SA, with Riyadh as its capital) to mediate is amusing. Like two kids in the playground asking a teacher to make sense of their squabble. And that he would use loopholes in English language to defend his opinion is even more amusing. Okay, it was not mediator, it was interlocutor. Yeah, we get it. But in a country run by adults, why is this the most opted for choice in conflict resolution?
It is reflective of the choices we individuals make in daily life. It is our collective unconscious speaking, perhaps. The way we need validation, the way we need acceptance, the way we seek actively to avoid conflicts and 'stay in the limelight, but out of the line of fire'. The comfort zones. We want to make a point without taking responsibility for it. If it is accepted well, we bask in the glory of it. If not, "God forbid, I ever meant it like that!" or "Media twists my statements to meet their own ends". Or something to that effect. Few people stick with what they say, even if it is glaringly politically incorrect (Not that I am advocating that). Fewer still honestly apologize (Not advocating that either).
All of the above is speculation devoid of judgment. It is the way the human psyche works. It works towards meeting very basic needs. Of affiliation and acceptance. Of being universally liked and of being right. And, in some cases, the need of a vote-bank.
It is reflective of the choices we individuals make in daily life. It is our collective unconscious speaking, perhaps. The way we need validation, the way we need acceptance, the way we seek actively to avoid conflicts and 'stay in the limelight, but out of the line of fire'. The comfort zones. We want to make a point without taking responsibility for it. If it is accepted well, we bask in the glory of it. If not, "God forbid, I ever meant it like that!" or "Media twists my statements to meet their own ends". Or something to that effect. Few people stick with what they say, even if it is glaringly politically incorrect (Not that I am advocating that). Fewer still honestly apologize (Not advocating that either).
All of the above is speculation devoid of judgment. It is the way the human psyche works. It works towards meeting very basic needs. Of affiliation and acceptance. Of being universally liked and of being right. And, in some cases, the need of a vote-bank.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
There is a lot being said about the legend that is SRK, his cricketo-political (What? Isn't that a word yet? Well, it should be.) decision making skills and the intent behind it. Allegations and disclaimers have been flying back and forth. Between not so subtle demands for acquiescence and subtle apologies, media continues to track down every move of his and colour it with their perceptions to suit the palate of the viewers/readers.
What do I feel? Frankly, nothing. He could be pro-India, pro-Pakistan, pro-Afghanistan or pro-Siberia for all I care. And I don't adulate him, nor do I hate his guts. Just no strong feelings either ways. I avoid his movies where I can, I don't enjoy them particularly.
But, this sudden interest in his actions does raise a few questions. As a friend recently mentioned, maybe we *have* been asking the wrong questions. The point is not how he feels about Pakistani players in IPL or what his opinion on Jihad is. The point is, why does it bother us so much? Another person, another opinion. High profile, only because we make it so. We are an emotional lot, us Indians. We tend to put our 'celebrities' on a pedestal and worship them. We build temples for them and break coconuts at their movies' releases. And when their thought processes don't line in with ours, we feel immensely let down. Why? So he has a certain perception about a certain country, and mine don't conform with that. So, my neighbour's favourite colour is pink, and I hate it. Should I declare war on him?
I understand that peoples' concern in this issue was that celebrities have a certain social responsibility that comes with being powerful. 2 things- *WE* vest them with this power. And social responsibility is not exclusive to the political, acting or sporting community by any stretch of imagination. And definitely not because they are in the limelight.
Democracy was about electing an able, qualified representative. It was never about idolizing an actor and making him the demigod of politics. If people are going to subscribe to opinions just because Shahrukh or whoever else voices them, we have big, big problems...bigger problems than his opinions in the first place.
What do I feel? Frankly, nothing. He could be pro-India, pro-Pakistan, pro-Afghanistan or pro-Siberia for all I care. And I don't adulate him, nor do I hate his guts. Just no strong feelings either ways. I avoid his movies where I can, I don't enjoy them particularly.
But, this sudden interest in his actions does raise a few questions. As a friend recently mentioned, maybe we *have* been asking the wrong questions. The point is not how he feels about Pakistani players in IPL or what his opinion on Jihad is. The point is, why does it bother us so much? Another person, another opinion. High profile, only because we make it so. We are an emotional lot, us Indians. We tend to put our 'celebrities' on a pedestal and worship them. We build temples for them and break coconuts at their movies' releases. And when their thought processes don't line in with ours, we feel immensely let down. Why? So he has a certain perception about a certain country, and mine don't conform with that. So, my neighbour's favourite colour is pink, and I hate it. Should I declare war on him?
I understand that peoples' concern in this issue was that celebrities have a certain social responsibility that comes with being powerful. 2 things- *WE* vest them with this power. And social responsibility is not exclusive to the political, acting or sporting community by any stretch of imagination. And definitely not because they are in the limelight.
Democracy was about electing an able, qualified representative. It was never about idolizing an actor and making him the demigod of politics. If people are going to subscribe to opinions just because Shahrukh or whoever else voices them, we have big, big problems...bigger problems than his opinions in the first place.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
A sign drawn in the sand
And a touch of a stranger's hand
I wonder what it means
Time spinning round and round in this space
Then it's gone without a trace
I wonder where it goes
Deep in the night when I hear no sound
I feel my heartbeat slowing down
My mind's released and free to wander
As I sleep
The past buried deep inside my head
All the words that have gone unsaid
I just want to let them go
Life on a distant star
Or a boat to where the wild things are
I just want to let it flow
Deep in the night when I hear no sound
I feel my heartbeat slowing down
My mind's released and free to wander
As I sleep
If you're quiet you'll hear the sound
Bits of the world as it spins around
We feel lost and we feel found
When we sleep
When we sleep
When we sleep
Sleep
Two worlds colliding in my head
I watch you as you sleep
Two worlds colliding in my head
Two worlds colliding in my head
Two worlds
Colliding in my head
- Amanaska- Sleep (Buddha Bar)
And a touch of a stranger's hand
I wonder what it means
Time spinning round and round in this space
Then it's gone without a trace
I wonder where it goes
Deep in the night when I hear no sound
I feel my heartbeat slowing down
My mind's released and free to wander
As I sleep
The past buried deep inside my head
All the words that have gone unsaid
I just want to let them go
Life on a distant star
Or a boat to where the wild things are
I just want to let it flow
Deep in the night when I hear no sound
I feel my heartbeat slowing down
My mind's released and free to wander
As I sleep
If you're quiet you'll hear the sound
Bits of the world as it spins around
We feel lost and we feel found
When we sleep
When we sleep
When we sleep
Sleep
Two worlds colliding in my head
I watch you as you sleep
Two worlds colliding in my head
Two worlds colliding in my head
Two worlds
Colliding in my head
- Amanaska- Sleep (Buddha Bar)
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Orkut tells me fortunes everyday. I get my kicks out of my morning cuppa tea and orkut fortunes. Today it is "Tomorrow's life is too late. Live today." Sorry, didn't see that one coming. At all. Specially because it is tomorrow already as I typed this. Oh, ought I to have lived yesterday?
The last two weeks have been very full of PTMs (Powerful Therapeutic Moments, for the uninitiated) and also very full of minor annoyances (which are now threatening to blow out of proportion). I understand that many organizations are undergoing paradigm shifts, but not paying employees is not an acceptable way of dealing with your transitions. Ok? Ok.
Ever seen a movie that makes you rue the fact that you earn enough to spend on movies?
I did today. It made me feel violated in more ways than one....even if you are generous enough to overlook the irrelevantly crass language, which I wasn't, it did not make sense. You know when you sometimes watch a movie thinking in the last scene it will all fall into place and I will go home having understood the story? And it happens? Well, it didn't. Anyone who doesn't know what movie I am talking about and can guess, will get the reward that I have set aside for the person who fixes my title dilemma in blogspot.
The last two weeks have been very full of PTMs (Powerful Therapeutic Moments, for the uninitiated) and also very full of minor annoyances (which are now threatening to blow out of proportion). I understand that many organizations are undergoing paradigm shifts, but not paying employees is not an acceptable way of dealing with your transitions. Ok? Ok.
Ever seen a movie that makes you rue the fact that you earn enough to spend on movies?
I did today. It made me feel violated in more ways than one....even if you are generous enough to overlook the irrelevantly crass language, which I wasn't, it did not make sense. You know when you sometimes watch a movie thinking in the last scene it will all fall into place and I will go home having understood the story? And it happens? Well, it didn't. Anyone who doesn't know what movie I am talking about and can guess, will get the reward that I have set aside for the person who fixes my title dilemma in blogspot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
